remembered when you came over, you played this song and asked me teach you the full song? here is my touch, all this bitter sweet memories all inside this song. Me wanting you back, is like a fairy tale. I only managed to go past chapter 1 before the princess ran off when I was away. This is for you.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Day 40 of missing you and 6 mores days to end another thing.
i have somewhat made up my mind, after this no more skating. memories hurt too much i can pick myself up anymore. i still miss you. who have i become?
so today, went for popping class again but before that Kevin had a friend who wanted to learn shuffle. I taught him as professional as i could and can tell this person has the passion to learn. thats good!managed to teach him the 2 most basics steps. the running man and t-step. I really hope one day shuffle will me more appreciated as an actual dance and get the respec it deserves. I wish i can start teaching like Alex somewhere and share the love of this dance.
anyway popping, hmm was pretty fine for me. nightly hours of hardwork paid off as im able to catch up with the class, well sometimes too fast >.< according to Michael(im just kidding i was too fast on my beat, over confident about the moves)
that aside her did mention he could tell i practiced a lot. so efforts paid off! well learnt 3 new stuff. one which i find is really useful, one which i was waiting for to help fix my body problem 3rd was rather something ive already know but can fine tune still. never regretted man! tho next week i cant go for lesson as i have competition! =( BOOOOOOO!
So after popping i went Esplanade and PH bought me chawamushi and salmon sashimi! thanks PH! and so i went to start training. which i surprisingly got tired really fast. not good at all.....i had to complete my routine still and fine tune. it ended up i fell asleep hahas while PH was playing with my Kendama (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrHVvjbmJHc) for hours there hahas.
After that i went back to Recognized to continue practicing, i was really determined to get back the spirit i had at primary school. Coz i finally remembered why i loved dancing so much that i went to shuffle when mt arms broke. hahas. Edwina, Christian and whats his name again? dance with me at studio B till it got very late before we made out way back. that session was fun as Edwina taught me how to do my awkward looking bounces and steps hahahas. btu fun never the less. We also had dance battle woohoo, Christian can pop REALLY well for someone is only as popping lesson 2, everyone agreed. *clap clap*
So chatted with Edwina and Christian on the train on our way back and finally reached EW1! but before i could get home i bumped into PH, Rome and some guy who i totally forget who is he....i feel so bad! Anyways funny thing was all of them do not know one another and are all seating at the same area. so it went EH LEONARD! then i talked to PH then next table turned and was like OMG leonard so long never see you! then other side shouted LEONARD as someone stood and waved at me. super epic moment like im some Mr popular huh. hahahas well but to be polite i talked to all of them seperately before making me way home.
Well got a lot mentally tough things to do tml so, i shall end my post here! bye!~
hey by the way, should i start doing vlogs? just a random thought. do let me know! you can comment what you think in the chat box as well!
so today, went for popping class again but before that Kevin had a friend who wanted to learn shuffle. I taught him as professional as i could and can tell this person has the passion to learn. thats good!managed to teach him the 2 most basics steps. the running man and t-step. I really hope one day shuffle will me more appreciated as an actual dance and get the respec it deserves. I wish i can start teaching like Alex somewhere and share the love of this dance.
anyway popping, hmm was pretty fine for me. nightly hours of hardwork paid off as im able to catch up with the class, well sometimes too fast >.< according to Michael(im just kidding i was too fast on my beat, over confident about the moves)
that aside her did mention he could tell i practiced a lot. so efforts paid off! well learnt 3 new stuff. one which i find is really useful, one which i was waiting for to help fix my body problem 3rd was rather something ive already know but can fine tune still. never regretted man! tho next week i cant go for lesson as i have competition! =( BOOOOOOO!
So after popping i went Esplanade and PH bought me chawamushi and salmon sashimi! thanks PH! and so i went to start training. which i surprisingly got tired really fast. not good at all.....i had to complete my routine still and fine tune. it ended up i fell asleep hahas while PH was playing with my Kendama (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrHVvjbmJHc) for hours there hahas.
After that i went back to Recognized to continue practicing, i was really determined to get back the spirit i had at primary school. Coz i finally remembered why i loved dancing so much that i went to shuffle when mt arms broke. hahas. Edwina, Christian and whats his name again? dance with me at studio B till it got very late before we made out way back. that session was fun as Edwina taught me how to do my awkward looking bounces and steps hahahas. btu fun never the less. We also had dance battle woohoo, Christian can pop REALLY well for someone is only as popping lesson 2, everyone agreed. *clap clap*
So chatted with Edwina and Christian on the train on our way back and finally reached EW1! but before i could get home i bumped into PH, Rome and some guy who i totally forget who is he....i feel so bad! Anyways funny thing was all of them do not know one another and are all seating at the same area. so it went EH LEONARD! then i talked to PH then next table turned and was like OMG leonard so long never see you! then other side shouted LEONARD as someone stood and waved at me. super epic moment like im some Mr popular huh. hahahas well but to be polite i talked to all of them seperately before making me way home.
Well got a lot mentally tough things to do tml so, i shall end my post here! bye!~
hey by the way, should i start doing vlogs? just a random thought. do let me know! you can comment what you think in the chat box as well!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
10 days and counting down.
10 more days and it is the NP Comp, you promise to be there I wonder will you keep it. Well ure busy so I dont expect much, even if you are free I know you rather put your time into something else rather then me.
Am I ready for this competition? After stopping training i came abck and have a lot challenges. The song, carries the memory of you I hope you notice. Even if you are not there I wish you will one day watch the video. The steps you taught me my own ideas the song we listened to when the first time we were on the bus together.
don't disappoint...myself and me.
wish one day i can go for this still......
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=2194829627344
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Emotional pain
Starts of just thinking yay a new friend, in a second things get too sweet and you became my girlfriend. I had a month doing my best of what i could even when i was totally clueless, i gave everything. I thought the trip would draw us closer, but i made us even further apart. And in a blink of an eye you choose to leave and seek happiness on your own.
I feel helpless, this pain was too much to bear. Pain gets too much i force myself away from you, I removed you from FB so i wont go and look at your post. Not working I still go to your profile, well the info at least. I loved you but now its just a memory. You are doing fine on your own without me. Me? I'm not without you. Its hell all over again for me these emotions, thoughts. Its all driving me insane.
I lose focus, I cant talk to anyone happily without bringing you up. I start over thinking, flashbacks hit. I get down again and again over those thoughts. Focus get driven away and I find myself planning a routine for competition, one that is horrible. I cant focus. I cant study, I flunk my subjects. I pulled as much strength to complete my work, all in my phone. It got stolen by some heartless person. What hurts more was that that phone was the only things i smile to as i read our old messages. Long gone. So there goes my career, studies and future.
I miss you. You wont i know. Be and be happy on your own now. But for me, the pain is just, one i can no longer handle. It overpowered me.
I feel helpless, this pain was too much to bear. Pain gets too much i force myself away from you, I removed you from FB so i wont go and look at your post. Not working I still go to your profile, well the info at least. I loved you but now its just a memory. You are doing fine on your own without me. Me? I'm not without you. Its hell all over again for me these emotions, thoughts. Its all driving me insane.
I lose focus, I cant talk to anyone happily without bringing you up. I start over thinking, flashbacks hit. I get down again and again over those thoughts. Focus get driven away and I find myself planning a routine for competition, one that is horrible. I cant focus. I cant study, I flunk my subjects. I pulled as much strength to complete my work, all in my phone. It got stolen by some heartless person. What hurts more was that that phone was the only things i smile to as i read our old messages. Long gone. So there goes my career, studies and future.
I miss you. You wont i know. Be and be happy on your own now. But for me, the pain is just, one i can no longer handle. It overpowered me.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
I admire him because he show me what emotional strength is.
He may not start of as a AMAZING magician but with his passion and practice he became who he is today. Today I read one of the strongest articles ever, I felt every word, every emotion. I realised this guy deserved more then just my respects, he is my hero to see how i should become stronger. I am supposed to be a designer, a video maker who paints pictures with my mind. I am born an artist and entertainer with my skills I wad given by God to bring smiles to others. Recently I have not been smiling much and been a nuisance to many with my deeply clouded mind. Nothing could tell the pain I had been through and I am not all over it but I am telling myself to. First read Chris Brown's post regarding his video, really....read every word
http://orbitbrown.tumblr.com/post/12695518926/ao5-talk
then watch and feel his video, his skill his ability. He inspired me to be more of who I am supposed to be.
http://orbitbrown.tumblr.com/post/12695518926/ao5-talk
then watch and feel his video, his skill his ability. He inspired me to be more of who I am supposed to be.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Thanks Leon for the photo (hahas looks like Tumblr right? its me yo!)
These few days have been rather stressful for me, after all those emotional things which I am still clearing up but getting better, some idiot stole my phone with all my assignments and now i cant do anything. I blanked out during my test i studied so hard for and well skating level is really bad.
Been into day 2 of editing the hummel video which is damn hard coz a lot of bad shots. haissss. but i guess i managed to save it ^^.
I am still looking at my phone wishing a miracle message to appear, but also i have choose to let go already and move on. If she is not the one I can share my happiness wiht, maybe its time to share it with someone else.
*update* video is finally up!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
clarity
now I got the eyes to see who you are, now I got the heart to be cold blooded. The society is nothing more then just facades where we hide who we really are, i see no point I should show that I care and trust you and should hide it. Ive stood by you every possible time i could, but it seems you dont need it given then attention you are already getting from others. You have options who to love so do I, I just made the wrong option to give it to the you i guess. You just had no idea how much I loved you....which is everything i have. You choose to take it and trash it aside saying to be friends which your actions tell otherwise. if my friend didnt geh kiang try and help me after i lost my phone. and smsed you without telling me and in the end show me what you said...I will have never know what kind of person you really are. Only saying to take me as a friend but actions speak otherwise. You would have done something if you really cared for me even as a friend. im just really disappointed of you
I know I was at fault and did everything i could to make things right, im tired of trying and waiting. Since you want it dead I will try my best to make it dead. It is not dead yet, im not strong enough to do so but I'm slowly learning to be cold blooded. Looking back at my actions I have no idea why did i do it at the expense of my physical and emotional well being. My emotions affected everyone who REALLY did care for me. I dont want to affect them anymore. Looking back at my actions the things i did out of pure good will....
Can't believe my gastric came back and burnt 2 holes in my stomach just skipping all my meals, yes ALL and survived on water cooler just to save up and bought the shoes even knowing its not the original price, I just knew you needed more money. The pain my stomach took every day was really hell for me, you just didnt know. I didnt say. Neither would you care I guess.
When Natasha passed me the shoes, the G-shock bag showed you took the watch the other guy bought for you, I'm disappointed. Looking at the watch I picked for you, I have just spent worthless money, its okay I'll just wear it for my own. It is a beauty.
No point going back in time more to even more silly things i did, i really is in love with you. You just didnt care and so I will really pull back. If you do change your mind and come back ill still be here, but for now I'm tired of giving, as someone who really cared/loved/worry/miss you as a ex/friend. Not like you will come back though, you are giving your feelings away to other guys who dont care for you as well from what I am seeing (im jumping to conclusions, because you didnt bother explaining.)
its not the end, i still yet....i still place trust in you. you promised to be there for my competition back then, i hope you would keep your words.
I know I was at fault and did everything i could to make things right, im tired of trying and waiting. Since you want it dead I will try my best to make it dead. It is not dead yet, im not strong enough to do so but I'm slowly learning to be cold blooded. Looking back at my actions I have no idea why did i do it at the expense of my physical and emotional well being. My emotions affected everyone who REALLY did care for me. I dont want to affect them anymore. Looking back at my actions the things i did out of pure good will....
Can't believe my gastric came back and burnt 2 holes in my stomach just skipping all my meals, yes ALL and survived on water cooler just to save up and bought the shoes even knowing its not the original price, I just knew you needed more money. The pain my stomach took every day was really hell for me, you just didnt know. I didnt say. Neither would you care I guess.
When Natasha passed me the shoes, the G-shock bag showed you took the watch the other guy bought for you, I'm disappointed. Looking at the watch I picked for you, I have just spent worthless money, its okay I'll just wear it for my own. It is a beauty.
No point going back in time more to even more silly things i did, i really is in love with you. You just didnt care and so I will really pull back. If you do change your mind and come back ill still be here, but for now I'm tired of giving, as someone who really cared/loved/worry/miss you as a ex/friend. Not like you will come back though, you are giving your feelings away to other guys who dont care for you as well from what I am seeing (im jumping to conclusions, because you didnt bother explaining.)
its not the end, i still yet....i still place trust in you. you promised to be there for my competition back then, i hope you would keep your words.
Monday, November 7, 2011
hummel street shuffle
this has got to be the best job any of us shufflers want. to shuffle and earn money while promoting a really good shoe brand. Awesome for dancing, and really comfy. Im not sure if many ppl saw us but we sure did enjoy ourselves.(except when i lose my phone =( but it opens up my eyes to one question at least) The video will be uploaded soon okay!
i wasnt inside, i had night class =(
i wasnt inside, i had night class =(
Saturday, November 5, 2011
getting numb
im starting to feel numb to real feelings as well i guess. I got really amazing friends but all i do is smile back without emotions, I ignore ppl who care a lot about me but i do appreciate their efforts its just that feeling is not there.
I sent this friend home but i could feel a rebound building up on her but I ignored it as someone this nice to me dont deserve me especially being made use of as a rebound. Went to Alex to have some small chilling session with 2 others before i dozed off from my really tiring life.
Woke up and went Velocity to get my skate stuff for competition before making my way home for a quick brush up and going to school. I practically went school for consultation and sat outside talking to Dorcus, Rick and Leon before leaving for training.
Hais its my good friend Daryl's last session before he goes into the army. Will miss the nonsense we did from skating to our super lame convo and his words or wisdom to help me with my problems everytime. He really cared for me a lot and i know especially when the breakup affected my skating a lot. thanks man ill miss this bro.
I managed to make a pretty nice flow for ym 0.5 while having problems with my 0.8 still. and today the rain and the people are not helping much so yeah.
Today you texted, I didnt know how to react. I was really afraid of doing something stupid and making you hate me more. I feel that you already have a lot of attention from guys and im just an option while i put you as everything for me still. Trying to be happy is just a short term escape as i feel you will never be mine. I asked my friend what she thinks in a girl perspective as she did the same, and she said " Well. I just now told you le you also say it will make you feel that you are xiao qi. its ok if you are doing it as a friend, but just to remind you that her heart for you is already dead. Thats how people are actually. This is no movie we are living in where people we love will love us back." Well she asked me to say no as she feels Ive been made used of. I really hate that feeling of being made use but for soem reason i still hope at least we can be really good friends who wont make use of one another. I still feel the hope and i trust you will not. Will you? after all the attention you get, i doubt you treasure the attention i give exclusively to you.
Like what my friend said what is dead sometimes will never revive. You killed slalom for me and i tried my best to fix it. I still feel its better to run away now. This is going to be my last competition as ive already made a promise. after this i will just stay to what i feel is best.
I sent this friend home but i could feel a rebound building up on her but I ignored it as someone this nice to me dont deserve me especially being made use of as a rebound. Went to Alex to have some small chilling session with 2 others before i dozed off from my really tiring life.
Woke up and went Velocity to get my skate stuff for competition before making my way home for a quick brush up and going to school. I practically went school for consultation and sat outside talking to Dorcus, Rick and Leon before leaving for training.
Hais its my good friend Daryl's last session before he goes into the army. Will miss the nonsense we did from skating to our super lame convo and his words or wisdom to help me with my problems everytime. He really cared for me a lot and i know especially when the breakup affected my skating a lot. thanks man ill miss this bro.
I managed to make a pretty nice flow for ym 0.5 while having problems with my 0.8 still. and today the rain and the people are not helping much so yeah.
Today you texted, I didnt know how to react. I was really afraid of doing something stupid and making you hate me more. I feel that you already have a lot of attention from guys and im just an option while i put you as everything for me still. Trying to be happy is just a short term escape as i feel you will never be mine. I asked my friend what she thinks in a girl perspective as she did the same, and she said " Well. I just now told you le you also say it will make you feel that you are xiao qi. its ok if you are doing it as a friend, but just to remind you that her heart for you is already dead. Thats how people are actually. This is no movie we are living in where people we love will love us back." Well she asked me to say no as she feels Ive been made used of. I really hate that feeling of being made use but for soem reason i still hope at least we can be really good friends who wont make use of one another. I still feel the hope and i trust you will not. Will you? after all the attention you get, i doubt you treasure the attention i give exclusively to you.
Like what my friend said what is dead sometimes will never revive. You killed slalom for me and i tried my best to fix it. I still feel its better to run away now. This is going to be my last competition as ive already made a promise. after this i will just stay to what i feel is best.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
What is happening....
So this dance friend of mine had a crush on a really good bro of mine. We had a conference with another dance friend, her and me inside to talk about how she should resolve this feeling she has for my bro. Turns out things got nasty after I left the convo to focus on my school work. Things must have turn ugly when i left because after that one no longer picks her phone, the other no longer trust her saying she is totally different from who she is from the start. Now I have a friend who will not trust me and her and another quitting dance. great......
I also realised I'm turning into this person i never thought i would be. Phone is flooded with msges from unwanted girls. I feel downright like a flirt and playboy now, in fact they cling onto me and I feel nowhere near comfortable with them being so touchy like pulling my arms around as though they are so close to me. This is not who or what i want. I want that secure hold with my ex, a true smile and warmth. Not what I as a player now is doing. I DONT WANT TO BE A PLAYER AT ALL. Im only doing this because I should learn to numb myself so I will not get hurt but what is this, its just the first day of them clinging on and I feel the discomfort and disgust. I want back that realy smile and laughter, hugs and kisses and sweet sms, not some desperate looking eyes to keep pulling my clothes. I MISS THAT REAL LOVE.
All this sleepless nights despite my doctors sleeping pills and some anti depression pills. Im caught in a mess now, in life and mentally. I am a downright fucker, asshole and a jinx.
God so i live on just to get caught in this? tell me...
I also realised I'm turning into this person i never thought i would be. Phone is flooded with msges from unwanted girls. I feel downright like a flirt and playboy now, in fact they cling onto me and I feel nowhere near comfortable with them being so touchy like pulling my arms around as though they are so close to me. This is not who or what i want. I want that secure hold with my ex, a true smile and warmth. Not what I as a player now is doing. I DONT WANT TO BE A PLAYER AT ALL. Im only doing this because I should learn to numb myself so I will not get hurt but what is this, its just the first day of them clinging on and I feel the discomfort and disgust. I want back that realy smile and laughter, hugs and kisses and sweet sms, not some desperate looking eyes to keep pulling my clothes. I MISS THAT REAL LOVE.
All this sleepless nights despite my doctors sleeping pills and some anti depression pills. Im caught in a mess now, in life and mentally. I am a downright fucker, asshole and a jinx.
God so i live on just to get caught in this? tell me...
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Fuck Mei Sin
I woke up with a terrible tummy today that i literally curled into a ball and rolled to the toilet at home. I skipped Mei Sin class so i can relax a little before heading down to school for Intro Econs. Then I went for skating. I found this super long laces meant for my skates and took it to attach it to my cargo pants for skating and it look AWESOME!yay! My slalom style improved quite a lot as well as my routine but I still got a lot more to plan and start practicing for my competition. My freshies under me are doing fine too! im actually pretty proud of them! JY!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
World hinders what you want
Woke up and had a silent prayer, I never thought i would see together again after that i did. I thanked god for giving me a chance to live on and will try and be strong still. I wil admit I stil have the thought of dying, im still upset at everywhere I go, yet i think myself for having this life....back?
I headed out to meet well the last person anyone would expect I would, Grace. We're just friends now tho there are still really small awkward moments, but i can honestly say when I was dating a month back that i do not have Grace on my mind. That at least i have answered for myself. Anyways! I returned her the camera while passing to her well (only she knows) if you want know go ask her larh! Thanks so much for the camera it helped me a lot! We had lunch at business while having an awesome kwey teow with chilli and prawns (my 2 worse do not eat stuff), something is really wrong with me today you will find out more as you read on. I was like eh? i ate chilli and im okay with it leh i dun usually eat it while Grace just got to rub it in im missing out in life. =( WA LAU EHHHH. Was an awesome time i didnt think i would ever have, to have lunch just as friends while chatting and smiling even after doing so much for the past 6 years. Maybe this was the plan God gave me?
Then i dragged my feet to the dreaded Mei Sin's class, and while waiting I just tried doing my required work. I initially planned not to go for her classes anymore and tell Julian I'm pulling out of this class at least (I planned to drop out of school initially but many said i admit is a rash decision) because I do not feel emotionally ready and stable yet, especially when Mei Sin is a rude, weird and totally CRAZY teacher. In fact she stepped on my foot when I am trying my very best to be nice and poilte to her. In just a 3 hour class my class must have cursed on Twitter a lot ot times as well. Her are some of the things she offended me for already MAJOR ones, ive not included minor ones of her being rude.
1. Me feeling really upset half an hour before class and cried till i dozed off at the lecturers table, she came in and scolded me (she must be blind unable to see i was crying like shit i guess) and scolded me to get lost, I said sorry and she continue scolding me. In an anxious state i left my glasses on the table and went to my seat when she sarcastically said I dont need your glasses, i really felt like break down again.
2. After what happened yesterday, mum has been extra worried about me and so i have no idea when certain number call in would be her checking on me. Apparently an unknown number called and so i picked it up just in case, it turns out its something important from Recognized a so I listened on while telling him to call me back later as i know some bomb will explode, Nick was confused as to what is going on and didnt hang up and TADDA BOOM! She came and screamed and tried to take my phone away till i apologized IN HER FACE then she let go. I CANT BELIEVE SHE HAD TO HANDLE MY THINGS THIS WAY AND NOT MY CHARGER IS SLANTED.
At the end of the class she told me not to use my phone again rather rudely and so I tried telling my situation im facing, but guess what when i said its because(yep jsut 2 words) she say she dun give a damn and just went off. HOW RUDE!
3. As i wanted to start on my research and didnt not want to sit there, neither do i dare to start in case things are not to her liking. I raised my hands politely to wanting to ask her about my thesis statement, she shut me up for no valid reason(trust me i never talk in class at all so the reason cant be i talked to much like the past) and ignored me till 2 students later WTF?
Btw if you think its just me and my classmates, you are wrong. There was a italian lecturer who came and asked her politely to leave the computer on so he could use it and she used sarcasm and rudely replied saying things like i cant let you use my account and stuff and the italian teacher went out FAST to avoid her. and guess what she turned off the computer still =.= talk about upbringing huh bitch? Tho i did had a pretty good bitching session with the italian teacher about what a weirdo she was, he hate her too, i told him i cant stand her as well. we had a mutual smile and hatered for her hahaha.
Nothing much happened during CDS apart from me buying a lot of food and had a picnic session, the CDS book was sold out so i got to get it tml and it was hard to understnad the class without it. The lecturer is really lively and joking around so yeah im fine with that guy, so i put my phone aside and tried listening.
After that i went to meet Ping Hwee at Ehub. We had tea at Macs while talking about well both RS issues and slalom ideas and stuff to help my competition. He really is a great international slalom judge and I learnt a lot. but we met up more of as friends to catch up. And after that we went for pool, which.....i lost all games despite improving a little in it hahas. went back to Mac to discuss about *secret plan MUAHAHHHAA* before heading out fo look at some places and lepak. (forget to add some really young but really pretty *confession* girl came in as we are leaving. And i started disturbing PH. HAHAHAS ok it was me talking about the girl more then him and im thinkg WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?! I must have went siao already keep talking about a girl we saaw for 2 secs. Last warning leonard! and i just foud out ph is gashapon siao....her spend $6 on it just turning and getting what he wants and take photo (go facebook see, im tagged in it)
So yeah after that walked home with a flat battery in my phone only to see a lot of stuff happening on my twitter, HAIS! just as im feeling better something have to try and pull me down again =/ just pray things will be better tml. and i still wonder what happened. Well maybe tml will be the answer then! its 5am now so i shall go and sleep, visit the doctor later.
Thank you God for today, I'll not forget the promise I made to you yesterday. PS. same wish as i pray everynight, give her the best of strength and knowledge and focus for her papers. I feel terrible for affecting her during such a crucial period and when I want her to go poly still. I tried my best to make things better but its just making me worse so grant me wisdom to make what is wrong right. =)
and last of all thanks Nichole and Wendi for texting me so much today, i feel better thanks to you all and the words of encouragement, ill stand by your sides when you all need me too okay. When i say i treat those i still care about as true friend i really mean it, just dont break it and it will be perfect when both parties trust one another to not hurt each other and be there.
I headed out to meet well the last person anyone would expect I would, Grace. We're just friends now tho there are still really small awkward moments, but i can honestly say when I was dating a month back that i do not have Grace on my mind. That at least i have answered for myself. Anyways! I returned her the camera while passing to her well (only she knows) if you want know go ask her larh! Thanks so much for the camera it helped me a lot! We had lunch at business while having an awesome kwey teow with chilli and prawns (my 2 worse do not eat stuff), something is really wrong with me today you will find out more as you read on. I was like eh? i ate chilli and im okay with it leh i dun usually eat it while Grace just got to rub it in im missing out in life. =( WA LAU EHHHH. Was an awesome time i didnt think i would ever have, to have lunch just as friends while chatting and smiling even after doing so much for the past 6 years. Maybe this was the plan God gave me?
Then i dragged my feet to the dreaded Mei Sin's class, and while waiting I just tried doing my required work. I initially planned not to go for her classes anymore and tell Julian I'm pulling out of this class at least (I planned to drop out of school initially but many said i admit is a rash decision) because I do not feel emotionally ready and stable yet, especially when Mei Sin is a rude, weird and totally CRAZY teacher. In fact she stepped on my foot when I am trying my very best to be nice and poilte to her. In just a 3 hour class my class must have cursed on Twitter a lot ot times as well. Her are some of the things she offended me for already MAJOR ones, ive not included minor ones of her being rude.
1. Me feeling really upset half an hour before class and cried till i dozed off at the lecturers table, she came in and scolded me (she must be blind unable to see i was crying like shit i guess) and scolded me to get lost, I said sorry and she continue scolding me. In an anxious state i left my glasses on the table and went to my seat when she sarcastically said I dont need your glasses, i really felt like break down again.
2. After what happened yesterday, mum has been extra worried about me and so i have no idea when certain number call in would be her checking on me. Apparently an unknown number called and so i picked it up just in case, it turns out its something important from Recognized a so I listened on while telling him to call me back later as i know some bomb will explode, Nick was confused as to what is going on and didnt hang up and TADDA BOOM! She came and screamed and tried to take my phone away till i apologized IN HER FACE then she let go. I CANT BELIEVE SHE HAD TO HANDLE MY THINGS THIS WAY AND NOT MY CHARGER IS SLANTED.
At the end of the class she told me not to use my phone again rather rudely and so I tried telling my situation im facing, but guess what when i said its because(yep jsut 2 words) she say she dun give a damn and just went off. HOW RUDE!
3. As i wanted to start on my research and didnt not want to sit there, neither do i dare to start in case things are not to her liking. I raised my hands politely to wanting to ask her about my thesis statement, she shut me up for no valid reason(trust me i never talk in class at all so the reason cant be i talked to much like the past) and ignored me till 2 students later WTF?
Btw if you think its just me and my classmates, you are wrong. There was a italian lecturer who came and asked her politely to leave the computer on so he could use it and she used sarcasm and rudely replied saying things like i cant let you use my account and stuff and the italian teacher went out FAST to avoid her. and guess what she turned off the computer still =.= talk about upbringing huh bitch? Tho i did had a pretty good bitching session with the italian teacher about what a weirdo she was, he hate her too, i told him i cant stand her as well. we had a mutual smile and hatered for her hahaha.
Nothing much happened during CDS apart from me buying a lot of food and had a picnic session, the CDS book was sold out so i got to get it tml and it was hard to understnad the class without it. The lecturer is really lively and joking around so yeah im fine with that guy, so i put my phone aside and tried listening.
After that i went to meet Ping Hwee at Ehub. We had tea at Macs while talking about well both RS issues and slalom ideas and stuff to help my competition. He really is a great international slalom judge and I learnt a lot. but we met up more of as friends to catch up. And after that we went for pool, which.....i lost all games despite improving a little in it hahas. went back to Mac to discuss about *secret plan MUAHAHHHAA* before heading out fo look at some places and lepak. (forget to add some really young but really pretty *confession* girl came in as we are leaving. And i started disturbing PH. HAHAHAS ok it was me talking about the girl more then him and im thinkg WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?! I must have went siao already keep talking about a girl we saaw for 2 secs. Last warning leonard! and i just foud out ph is gashapon siao....her spend $6 on it just turning and getting what he wants and take photo (go facebook see, im tagged in it)
So yeah after that walked home with a flat battery in my phone only to see a lot of stuff happening on my twitter, HAIS! just as im feeling better something have to try and pull me down again =/ just pray things will be better tml. and i still wonder what happened. Well maybe tml will be the answer then! its 5am now so i shall go and sleep, visit the doctor later.
Thank you God for today, I'll not forget the promise I made to you yesterday. PS. same wish as i pray everynight, give her the best of strength and knowledge and focus for her papers. I feel terrible for affecting her during such a crucial period and when I want her to go poly still. I tried my best to make things better but its just making me worse so grant me wisdom to make what is wrong right. =)
and last of all thanks Nichole and Wendi for texting me so much today, i feel better thanks to you all and the words of encouragement, ill stand by your sides when you all need me too okay. When i say i treat those i still care about as true friend i really mean it, just dont break it and it will be perfect when both parties trust one another to not hurt each other and be there.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)