Today I felt i failed in life, at every aspect especially after giving everything and made the worse decision. I tried to suicide by locking all doors and windows while i turned on the gas. things started to be heavy and i was falling asleep when i heard a voice asking me to get back up and turn off the gas. I could not move anymore and was really drowsy so i ignored it, then i heard another voice in my head, that same voice telling me, he have heard all my prayers for her and knows i care for her but there is a reason why he is doing what is happening now and said 'I want you to live on and protect her. Leonard be strong so you can do it'(I frankly wasnt very sure what i heard but it was on that line i was in a daze) that was unforgettable, then i heard my house key outside and my parents came back. They came back early and saw the mess i was in. i cried...a lot idk because i failed or coz it was one of the miracle encounters i have. Apparantly my parents decided to come home early coz my mum said she felt something wrong. I feel ive disappointed her a lot after all that she has done. I felt really weak, no longer that strong character i used to be and we had a heart to heart talk because she said there really is something wrong with me. And told me they will send me to the doctor on Tuesday saying I need help, I agreed knowing i need the help too.
im still feeling very weak now, but my encounter with you my load has shown the love you have for me. if you want me to continue and protect her, please help me make things easier. remove that barrier we have. or rather i have created. i will complete that wish, and bless her for her papers, I can see she really is trying so give her that chance. make her happier then i can possibly do then, get her the correct guy and not a jerk like me.
make me stronger as well...unless this is your way of doing it...
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Long time
long time since i updated with a piano song, i did post another video but ah not gona share here you can find in my channel de. anyway here!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Yes it hurts
ive been praying, for you to come back to my side. I really love you with everything. I was foolish to even say that to ruin things between us and i know my mistake which i will never commit again. you are my EVERYTHING and all i think about these days still. its upsetting to see that ive already lose you while memories of you kept coming back everywhere i go and everything i do.
every morning i hug the pillow tightly imagining that its you, my pillow still carries the really light scent of you. i am sorry to make you feel all alone when i was in Japan, i regretted going to that trip because what matters more then anything is YOU. our picture is still my lock screen, in fact the only photos in my phone is all you and me. Even the messages, i just kept all those that i could and never deleted them at all reading them again and again wishing its still here. I love you with all my heart and i do not understand why do we need to know each other more, love is something which you cant explain even if you know each other's flaw.
it pains me when i see you are upset posting everything in twitter, facebook all i can do is read and wishing i am there to hug you. i want you to be happy thats all....even if its to make me suffer in pain if you are happy being without me i should feel happy for you. these days are some of the most emotional days of the 18 years of my life. sleep less nights, endless crying while i kept thinking about you.
emotions break down and i cant think, and it ends up i do things without thinking. those advices that people give what they said just makes me fear more, in really afraid to lose you...i already did. i just wish you to be mine again...
tell me exactly what are you thinking, how you are feeling. the pain i carry is really beyond explanation. everywhere i go everything i do i just with you are still there beside me smiling, as those beautiful eyes light up, while i hold you in my arms and say i love you again. my competition is coming up, but i cant train at all. it just reminds me the first time i just wanted to go and teach you slalom as a friends and how we fell in love, how i begged you to stay when your mum ask you to break up and you fought to continue being with me. I just want to pull out of competition, to no longer feel this pain. quit slalom and leave it as a memory.
i missed you even when i was in Japan. my friend says im mad that everytime im next to him on the bus im just staring at our photos, i turned to him and say know this girl? bet you dont but i love her with all my heart. He eventually passed his phone to me so i could text you. when i was back the first thing even though i was tired was to see you, i am sorry we cant go out to talk because i was really tired and i do not want to upset you when i fell asleep while i was with you.
Even when i was sick after our first month, i remembered i felt really terrible, but i was more concerned about you to get better. the irony when you ask the one you love so much to get better when you are sick yourself. even after i recovered i wish i would go over and nurse you back to health, but i couldnt. your mum is home, we cant let them know, i felt helpless i cried feeling useless.
since the day we broke up my dreams all had you, how we can just spend time with each another again, only to be shattered when i wake up and find its just all a lie i created to make myself feel better even for just that short time. I'll not turn my back against you and i never will still.
i really want you back, i still love you
every morning i hug the pillow tightly imagining that its you, my pillow still carries the really light scent of you. i am sorry to make you feel all alone when i was in Japan, i regretted going to that trip because what matters more then anything is YOU. our picture is still my lock screen, in fact the only photos in my phone is all you and me. Even the messages, i just kept all those that i could and never deleted them at all reading them again and again wishing its still here. I love you with all my heart and i do not understand why do we need to know each other more, love is something which you cant explain even if you know each other's flaw.
it pains me when i see you are upset posting everything in twitter, facebook all i can do is read and wishing i am there to hug you. i want you to be happy thats all....even if its to make me suffer in pain if you are happy being without me i should feel happy for you. these days are some of the most emotional days of the 18 years of my life. sleep less nights, endless crying while i kept thinking about you.
emotions break down and i cant think, and it ends up i do things without thinking. those advices that people give what they said just makes me fear more, in really afraid to lose you...i already did. i just wish you to be mine again...
tell me exactly what are you thinking, how you are feeling. the pain i carry is really beyond explanation. everywhere i go everything i do i just with you are still there beside me smiling, as those beautiful eyes light up, while i hold you in my arms and say i love you again. my competition is coming up, but i cant train at all. it just reminds me the first time i just wanted to go and teach you slalom as a friends and how we fell in love, how i begged you to stay when your mum ask you to break up and you fought to continue being with me. I just want to pull out of competition, to no longer feel this pain. quit slalom and leave it as a memory.
i missed you even when i was in Japan. my friend says im mad that everytime im next to him on the bus im just staring at our photos, i turned to him and say know this girl? bet you dont but i love her with all my heart. He eventually passed his phone to me so i could text you. when i was back the first thing even though i was tired was to see you, i am sorry we cant go out to talk because i was really tired and i do not want to upset you when i fell asleep while i was with you.
Even when i was sick after our first month, i remembered i felt really terrible, but i was more concerned about you to get better. the irony when you ask the one you love so much to get better when you are sick yourself. even after i recovered i wish i would go over and nurse you back to health, but i couldnt. your mum is home, we cant let them know, i felt helpless i cried feeling useless.
since the day we broke up my dreams all had you, how we can just spend time with each another again, only to be shattered when i wake up and find its just all a lie i created to make myself feel better even for just that short time. I'll not turn my back against you and i never will still.
i really want you back, i still love you
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)