conclusion 6 years later

ive finally decided to let go, since its impossible to give up. i once said i would wait till after o levels, and here i am 2 years after that date. these words here and everything said may have never meant anything to you since i was just a nobody you.

i hate the fact everytime i see you i have to hold back what i want to say, im unfit to say such words since feelings only flows out but never in return and the fact every move i made to try and move on is just pulling me further away from you. that's one of the biggest mistake ive made and will never forgive myself for.

I could recall the conversation which gripped me speechless when you said "if you are dead serious, why did you get into other relationships". I knew ive made the hugest mistake. I shouldn't have listened to those telling me to try and move on, its either you move on or dont try since it make things worse. I really wonder if it was even possible if I actually did not get into any other relationships, or just another of your excuse.

It may not be possible for us to speak to one another at all in future as these words will just choke me and the pain pierce my heart again and again, the fact is i am really tired and i knew i tried everything i could.

words, tears, time everything are just pointless wastage. Friendship? thats not something i want as a souvenir, not when i just stand in front of you fighting a war within my mind every time while looking at you acting as tho nothing is wrong. what was left could have been right.

dosent matter what message i received from you every time as i know that at that very fraction of time i was in your mind and that have already meant a lot, but looks like i do not stay in your mind all the time unless when my help is needed. how i wish you need my help FOREVER.

I try to just ignore my feelings everytime i see you with him, and just cast myself aside like how I should have done from the very start of knowing you. this is good bye.