this is a rather stressful week. with my work place actually using my pay as a way to try and force me to work, school ending at 9 and actually constantly waking up late. wish its a better week from tml. then again, im having a crush on this girl which i find is pretty cute. well at a very bad timing coz im actually not in any of this mood right now.
just cut my hair and did a chemical irritation test, well it went well so now to dye my hair!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Blood and tears. Hopeless me.
Tell me what to do, this is driving me crazy. All I've asked for is your hand. I will give nothing but the best for you. Why...
Monday, October 4, 2010
What the point in my life now?
Another emotional post again. This time im sure i am. Usually i am emotionally due to tiredness. today is a rare day i didnt lack of dear rest, eye were pretty much okay no eye bags. This depression is surely not to tiredness.
There are up's and down's in life. My life has always been on the down side. I see my future is dim. Relationships numbs my heart. It no longer hurts, went way past that point where all you feel is numbness. You go speechless but say ure alright to the other party everytime to not make them guilty. Top that with a smile to reassure them, while inside thoughts get messed up.
Countless times suicide has been thru my mind. No, never those like people who wants to get attention and do so. ITs for real, in fact i tried it twice, never was a good feeling, yet you do thats the only way o stop this numb feeling. Its would hurt those who care about you, but i rather hurt them now for them to get over with then to actually do it in future where more bonds are forged.
I really dont know if the end of the relationship was good or not. To be honest after i found out this is a relationship i cannot commit as there is no attention i get in return, my heart divert back to her. Everytime i think about her, how to get her or just anything with her. Heart goes numb, mind is a complete blank. I know ill never get her hand. If thats the case, these hands are nothing more then to put a smile on my face. Time to end this numbness. My soul is lost into her and guess its impossible to find it back. All i want is her, thats hard.
If there is a carton of beer now, trust me ill finish it. At least i can feel something. This emptyness no longer makes me feel happy, sad, pain, pleasure. just 2 thigns which are unachieveable, Hate for myself and love for her.
There are up's and down's in life. My life has always been on the down side. I see my future is dim. Relationships numbs my heart. It no longer hurts, went way past that point where all you feel is numbness. You go speechless but say ure alright to the other party everytime to not make them guilty. Top that with a smile to reassure them, while inside thoughts get messed up.
Countless times suicide has been thru my mind. No, never those like people who wants to get attention and do so. ITs for real, in fact i tried it twice, never was a good feeling, yet you do thats the only way o stop this numb feeling. Its would hurt those who care about you, but i rather hurt them now for them to get over with then to actually do it in future where more bonds are forged.
I really dont know if the end of the relationship was good or not. To be honest after i found out this is a relationship i cannot commit as there is no attention i get in return, my heart divert back to her. Everytime i think about her, how to get her or just anything with her. Heart goes numb, mind is a complete blank. I know ill never get her hand. If thats the case, these hands are nothing more then to put a smile on my face. Time to end this numbness. My soul is lost into her and guess its impossible to find it back. All i want is her, thats hard.
If there is a carton of beer now, trust me ill finish it. At least i can feel something. This emptyness no longer makes me feel happy, sad, pain, pleasure. just 2 thigns which are unachieveable, Hate for myself and love for her.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Im out of her league
I guess a crush is sorta like a bell curve. You start of by disbelieving your feelings, second guess your emotions and try to talk yourself out of feeling the way you feel. Then at some point you realize that you like the person too much to let go. But after all that you realize, nahh, impossible - I’m totally out of her league.
In any case, love is something which you can only give; not take. You can show you like someone, show your care and concern. But in the end if she doesn’t return you the same thing, you can’t just grab it from her, see - only given, not taken.
For me, I still think it’s too soon for anything. Might wanna concentrate on skating, writing music and school work first before attempting to fall in love again. I should seriously stop talking about my love life; it’s getting old…
reposted: credits Mitch Advert
Coz my heart tells the same. even for my current relationship
In any case, love is something which you can only give; not take. You can show you like someone, show your care and concern. But in the end if she doesn’t return you the same thing, you can’t just grab it from her, see - only given, not taken.
For me, I still think it’s too soon for anything. Might wanna concentrate on skating, writing music and school work first before attempting to fall in love again. I should seriously stop talking about my love life; it’s getting old…
reposted: credits Mitch Advert
Coz my heart tells the same. even for my current relationship
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